A recently released convict has his meticulously planned revenge burglary jeopardised by a bumbling but determined teenager, a suspicious cop with a ferocious patrol dog and a literal ticking bomb that might just blow.
Robbing the Hood is an action-comedy set in the outer suburbs of Auckland, New Zealand.
It’s the night before Christmas. Godfrey, a recently released career criminal, and Eddie, an 18-year-old schoolboy, haplessly burgle the same department store on the same night. Godfrey, who has plotted his burglary for some time, disables the alarm and security cameras, enters the building through the upper level and makes his way to the office where he intends to blow the safe. Halfway through setting the explosives he hears an almighty crash. Calming his nerves, he carefully sets down his nitroglycerine and goes to investigate.
It doesn’t take long before he literally bumps into young Eddie.
Godfrey, dumbfounded by Eddie’s amature break in, tells him to piss off. Eddie won’t budge. As far as he is concerned the store is big enough for both of them. An argument over their territorial rights turns into a shoving match then a fully-fledged fight. Their weapons of choice, a can of hairspray (wielded by Godfrey like a can of mace) and a large pepper grinder (wielded by Eddie like a knife).
Their intense yet somewhat ridiculous altercation is abruptly halted by Constable Jane Trentham and her very aggressive police dog Edwin. It seems Eddie’s approach to robbery was more of the smash-and-grab variety and Constable Jane spotted the break-in while driving past in her police van.
Godfrey wastes no time in attempting an escape. He pulls an army-issue smoke canister from his vest, he pulls the pin and throws it to the floor.
Eddie yells “grenade”. Jane and Eddie dive for cover.
But nothing happens. It’s a dud.
Jane, now unimpressed, releases Edwin. The dog latches onto Godfrey and shakes him around like a rag doll. After seeing genuine concern on Eddie’s face Jane rolls her eyes and calls off Edwin. With the threat of another mauling she marches them into the furniture section of the store and handcuffs them to a four-poster bed. Jane then heads to her police van to call in the burglary. She doesn’t get far before she collapses to the floor having suffered a severe heart attack.
After seeing Jane collapse, Godfrey informs Eddie that she is dead. He also tells him that they need to get free of the handcuffs because he has rigged the place to burn to the ground – in less than an hour. Eddie panics and tries to break free from the handcuffs. The cuffs tighten around his wrist making him even more irritable. Godfrey manages to calm him down long enough to explain the keys will be in Constable Jane’s pocket. However, getting them means getting past the very angry and now very unhappy police dog still attached to her lifeless body via the leash wrapped around her wrist.
After some effort (and a lot of arguing) they manage to drag the four-poster bed across the store closer to Jane. They use one of Eddie’s shoes to distract the dog while they swipe the handcuffs keys out from under his nose. Before they can get too comfortable Edwin manages to free his leash from Jane’s wrist and gives chase. Scrambling to escape the gaping jaws of Edwin, Godfrey falls to the floor. He turns around in time to see Edwin bearing down on him. He puts his hands up in defence as Edwin leaps into the air. Suddenly Eddie grabs Godfrey by the arm and drags him to safety as the dog hits the ground where Godfrey was and slides into a shelving unit. Edwin regains his traction and gives chase once more. By the skin of their teeth they slip inside the staff cafeteria and slam the door behind them.
Faced with the prospect of imminent death (they now have only half an hour to stop the place burning to the ground) they reluctantly agree to work together to somehow get past Edwin. Searching the cafeteria cupboards they concoct a recipe of vodka, aspirin and a meat pie. Their plan, feed it to Edwin and hopefully sedate him. Eddie slips the mixture outside the cafeteria door (trying not to get his hands bitten off in the process). They are relieved when Edwin decides to eat it.
As precious time ticks by waiting for Edwin to pass out, Eddie askes Godfrey why he felt the need to burn the place down. Godfrey tells Eddie it is to cover his tracks. Eddie doesn’t buy it. Godfrey then tells Eddie that the store owner Ken is a doggy bastard and he deserves to have the place burned down and there is something in the safe that will help him prove he is a complete fraud.
In a flashback scene we realise Godfrey’s true motives for robbing the store. Godfrey is in a prison visiting room waiting to see his wife and kids. Instead, Ken shows up. Ken explains to Godfrey that his wife and kids don’t want to see him anymore and that they are now living with Ken. He suggests that if Godfrey is not careful he will use his friends in high places to have Godfrey’s sentence extended. Godfrey leaps across the table trying to attack Ken, but is quickly restrained by a couple of prison guards.
Back in the cafeteria Godfrey changes the subject. He asks Eddie why he broke into the store at all given he is such a crap burglar. Eddie deflects saying it was a spur of the moment decision. After a long beat of silence, in a vulnerable moment, Eddie tells Godfrey he didn’t think he would ever end up in a situation like this. His childhood dream was to be a superhero so he could help people. Godfrey mocks him.
To their relief, they hear a thud as Edwin finally collapses. They are free to roam the store once more. Godfrey disables the explosive devices just in time while Eddie checks on Jane.
While attempting to cover Jane’s body Eddie is surprised to see she’s still alive. Eddie yells to Godfrey who is making his way to blow the safe.
Godfrey rushes back to tell Eddie to keep the noise down. Eddie explains that Constable Jane is alive, but barely. He begs Godfrey to help him resuscitate her. Godfrey reluctantly agrees but neither of them know the first thing about what to do in a situation like this. Godfrey remembers something about aspirin being good for heart health, so he heads to the cafeteria to grab what he can from the medicine cabinet.
He returns to find Eddie terribly upset; Jane has stopped breathing. Panicking, Godfrey grabs an Epi-Pen from the items he collected and thumps it down hard on her chest, just like the scene from Pulp Fiction, except the Epi-Pen is useless in this situation. The cardiovascular thump to the chest however, does the trick and kick-starts her heart. She begins to breathe again and seems to be regaining consciousness. They jump for joy and hug each other in a bonding moment.
Their fledgling bromance is short-lived as they hear a door being unlocked. Godfrey and Eddie duck for cover as they see the store owner, Ken, enter through a side door into the store room. Godfrey tenses up. Ken looks like he’s had a few and is not alone. His (not so drunk) tinder hookup, Melanie, looks unimpressed; this isn’t the date she was expecting.
Godfrey waits for Ken to get closer before knocking him out with a stick blender. When Ken regains consciousness and realises he’s tied up. Melanie, who has now perked up, watches as an angry Godfrey threatens Ken with the stick blender and some spaghetti tongs. He accuses Ken of not only stealing his wife and kids, but now cheating on her with this… floozy. Although Melanie is offended at being called a floozy, she’s having such a good time taking in the madness of the situation she lets it slide. It seems her date just got way more exciting.
Godfrey threatens to expose Ken’s infidelity to his ex-wife. Drunk Ken couldn’t care less.
Godfrey, furious, punches Ken in the face and is about to do a lot worse when Eddie in and drags him off. Eddie points out that although Ken is one hundred percent an arsehole, it’s possible that Godfrey’s time in prison might be the reason his wife left him. Ladies don’t like being jailbirds’ wives.
That strikes a nerve. Godfrey storms off and heads to the office to finish blowing the safe.
As Godfrey enters the office, he notices the forgotten nitro-glycerin he placed in a temporary container is moments from burning through and exploding. Horrified, he scrambles out of the office and back into the store.
Godfrey races past Eddie screaming to run for his life. Eddie, who has picked up the unconscious dog, tries to run. Edwin’s weight makes it difficult, but it’s made even worse by the dog’s farting god awful vodka-and-meat-pie farts.
Distracted, Eddie fails to spot the discarded can of hairspray in his path that Godfrey was using as a weapon in their first interraction. He trips on the can, breaking his ankle and collapses next to constable Jane.
Although all worse for wear they are safely clear of the huge explosion that rips through the store.
Godfrey takes in the situation; everything seems lost. The store is in tatters, The contents of the safe are falling to the floor as ash. Ken is tied up and beaten and could certainly ID him. More jail time seems certain.
A few feet away from Ken is the semi-conscious Constable Jane and her fully unconscious dog. Eddie is writhing in pain. The only person not in distress is Melanie, she seems to be enjoying the carnage.
Godfrey makes a decision. He pulls Constable Jane’s keys from his pocket and makes a beeline for the exit.
Eddie can’t believe it. Godfrey has left him there. Eddie is physically and emotionally broken and possibly in shock from the injury to his ankle.
But to his surprise Godfrey returns with a substantial first-aid kit he swiped from Jane’s police van. He also has a shopping trolley full of stolen goods. Godfrey knows he will eventually get caught but he has come back for Eddie. After a quick patch-up job on Eddie’s ankle he lifts him into the trolley and places a silver thermal blanket around the boy’s shoulders. Godfrey swings the trolley around just in time to see a couple of police officers blocking their exit.
Suddenly, there’s a hiss and a puff of smoke.
Everyone looks confused as the smoke canister we saw earlier finally ignites. Obscured by billowing smoke, Godfrey and Eddie escape as more police arrive on the scene.
As they burst from the store breaking through clouds of smoke, Eddie’s arms are stretched out, the silver emergency blanket flapping in the wind like a cape. He looks like the superhero he always wanted to be. Godfrey yells, ‘Wahooooo!’
They jump into Jane’s van and take off.
But they’re soon apprehended. It appears Godfrey cut power to the microwave in the staff cafeteria instead of the security cameras. Added to the fact Eddie’s name and address were written inside the shoe they used to distract Edwin, their freedom was always going to be short-lived.
The police tell Eddie and Godfrey that Jane and the dog will be OK, but Ken is furious about the damage to his store, and his ruined date.
Eddie asks the police to go easy on Godfrey because he ultimately saved Jane’s life. They reply that Godfrey will definitely be going to jail, but his actions will attract some leniency. It also appears some of the contents of the safe survived. There are documents to suggest that Ken can expect to go to jail for fraud. Godfrey was on the money there.
A cop shows Eddie another video of all the good things he did in the store … looking after Jane and talking Godfrey into saving her, carrying the dog as the office exploded and generally deescalating things as Godfrey was losing it.
The cop says they can’t make him a superhero, but if he behaves himself should think about applying for the police force.
The End
